Thursday, February 19, 2009

Rythm

As of today we have now been at my parents house for four weeks and apart from Joseph for six. Only nine more to go until Joseph graduates from his current schooling and heads off somewhere else, not so close to us. When this is all said and done we will have been apart for 6 months, gah! One of the hardest parts about all this is that after the first couple of weeks you get used to being alone, it becomes harder to remember exactly what it was like to have them home, what it felt like when you were wrapped up in a big hug, or simply feeling the joy of looking up from a book to see them smiling at you from across the room. And you know what is the hardest part about all that? The fact that you don't even realize you cannot remember until one day you are laying in bed feeling very alone wondering about life and suddenly you remember your not alone! In that moment though you feel more alone then any other because suddenly your heart aches as it allows you to feel the very real hurt of being away from your spouse, the ache of not remembering and let me tell you, there is a lot of pain with not being able to remember. It is at that moment that I find myself clinging steadfastly to my Father, knowing that He has brought me through these moments with grace. Grace because He has covered my pain and allowed me to "forget", allowed me to not sit in every moment in pain because I "feel" alone, because the reality is that I am anything but alone. The Lord is always with me, giving me the strength to be away from my beloved and the peace to know that this is right, even though there can be moments were this can feel so wrong because we are apart. God has called us to be faithful, and even though it hurts like crazy, I am so thankful to even have the opportunity to be faithful.

3 comments:

Sutherland Family Life said...

Ah, my sister-in-law and sister in Christ, my heart goes out to you, especially since I can empathesize to a certain degree when Kenny and I were apart for six months before I could move to New Jersey! I am and will continue to pray for you and Joseph during this hard time. May you grow closer to your Savior as you lean on Him more and more each day! With all my love, Trina

The Santos Family said...

Wow... thanks for your transparency... I cannot imagine what you're going through. Praying for you all...

Mama Blue said...

Thank you for praying for me guys :)My heart is very burdened this week,I wish I had all the right words to express what I am feeling, but instead I work with what I got.