Saturday, August 29, 2009


These past few weeks have been a little rough. I had been with out a phone for close to a month, leaving me feeling very isolated and very homesick. I have a phone again, but because the other one went missing I have no numbers. Actually let me rephrase that. I have plenty of numbers, but they all belong to my friends husbands...AWKWARD. Yeah, I have Joseph's old phone now if you hadn't guessed and I haven't quite gotten up the nerve yet to call these men asking to speak to their wives. "Cuz I'm shy like that.
I just spent the last hour catching up on various friends blogs and while I am so happy to get a glimpse into their lives, I so badly want to be IN their lives, not just hearing about it from afar. I miss them all so much and the pathetic part is they probably don't even know it. Watching their lives grow on with out me seems slightly unfair, but it makes me realize how inward I become when change is upon me. These ladies I love so much are not separate from my life because they have forgotten me, but because I have acted like I have forgotten them. I challenge myself every week to call someone different everyday, but instead of picking up the phone I curl up into a ball of fear worrying that they wont want me any longer, so instead of making the situation better, I make it worse. So once again I am going to challenge myself to call a different friend everyday. So if you see my number flash across your phone would you mind saying hello to an old friend who misses you? Oh and I guess that means I may be calling some men first...or I guess I could just email...


the lewisi female said...

I miss you friend! i am so glad you did call! I feel the exact same way so often and it's so easy to isolate yourself in those moments... way to overcome! Hopefully we can talk more soon... I love reading your blog and seeing the boys!