Okay, now that I have gotten the post about Stellan out of my system I can write about my boys.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how different these two are, regardless of how similar they look. I always new they would be different, that Brooks was not just a mini Conner, but seeing it played out in actuality is quite amazing. In general I have just been thinking about the wonderful gift that they both are and marveling in their uniqueness.
Conner is a whirlwind of emotion, life is lived for ever single moment. I really don't think there is much that gets past this kid. When he was a baby we used to teasingly tell people to not do anything around Conner, regardless of if he was turned away, that they didn't want him doing. Like removing screws from the back of a toy with a screwdriver or making the dvd player work, because he would absorb the knowledge through osmosis I tell you. There is not a mechanical thing out there that this guy can not figure out, something that has not changed since he figured out how to move his hands when he was a baby.
Conner most easily connects with people through music, he LOVES music, plays any instrument he can get his hands on, and plays them well. Although he has speech delays, he has always been a relatively quiet person. I say relatively because he definitely has his moments of loudness, but he was never been much of a babbler and still only talks when he feels like it, which sometimes can be a lot, and other times barely at all.
Brooks on the other hand is quite vocal. He is my babbler and where as Conner was barely saying mama and dada at 13 months, Brooks says those along with hi and up. I think he is also saying water or drink, but its debatable. The biggest difference between these two is how orally fixated Brooks is. Although he is quick to learn what he doesn't like in his mouth (sand!), I think he has decided that over all life was meant to experience through his mouth ( a very common baby stage, but Conner never really went through it). This kid eats EVERYTHING, including dirt. Which you probably already knew since its always around his mouth.
He is such a sweet boy who loves his big brother to pieces. His favorite time of the day (besides any time that involves food) is putting Conner down for his nap. The roll around and wrestle in Conner's bed, giggling and snorting as if they can't get enough of each other. He is usually trying to launch out of my arms towards his brother as I take him out of the room and close the door.
These two boys bring so much joy to my life. They are a constant reminder of the man I love so dearly and of how great and unconditional love is. I am so proud of the small leaps and bounds Conner has made in his speech since moving here. Being able to have my three year old tell me what is hurting him and why is amazing and brings tears to my eyes. The power of speech is an amazing and freeing thing. Thank you Lord for the grace of that in Conner's life. May you continue to open up the pathways of speech for him and direct me in your wisdom on how to best nurture him in that area. May I be your tool in this as he continues to finds his voice. Amen
Oh and Lord would you help Brooks sleep?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Differences
A sad heart
Once again I was getting on to actually write a post about my family, but my heart is so burdened for Stellan and his family that it is hard to write anything other then PRAY!
Today was an especially rough day for Stellan and things are really starting to take a turn for the worst. He has been in SVT for a week now and his body is no longer being able to handle it. Medically he is only days aways from going into heart failure. To read more about the specifics of his condition head on over to his mother's blog, but for now would you please pray along with me? This prayer is compiled of many prayers that are going on on his behalf from the comments section of his blog. They touched me so much and became my own hearts cry that I wanted to pray them along with you.
Father God, as we hear this news about Stellan we come back to you to ask your presence to come once again to touch his body. Lord, send your spirit to usher in wisdom, insight and a way to heal this child. Lord, as we wait for your healing, send your Holy Spirit to course through Stellan's heart, sending invigorating blood out into his body to his tiny toes and tiny fingers. Lord rest your spirit over this baby boy. May he know the peace and love of his Makers presence.
Lord you are good no matter what and we love you. Jennifer loves you desperately and she loves her little boy desperately and wants him to be well. Would you surround her with love and comfort and peace in the midst of the chaos and turmoil that accompanies her. She and her family need you deeply right now. They need to feel your touch. Would you make yourself known to them in a powerful way even in this moment? We praise and thank you God for all of the incredible things you have done up to this point. May you receive all the glory and may your will be done!
Amen
Friday, March 27, 2009
I just wanted to get on and encourage everyone to continue following God's story through Stellan. The work that is being wrought in the Lord's name right now is pretty amazing, and even though Stellan has not been healed yet, God has been preforming some pretty awesome miracles. So please continue to lift up this precious little boy and his family, doctors, nurses, friends and strangers who have reach out to them, in prayer.
My heart has been very heavy this entire week for this family, so I have been spending some much needed special time with the boys in prayer and generally just loving on my family. Hopefully next week I will be up and running again in the blog world, but for now I am going to go enjoy being with my family.
Love you all!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Updated! Pray for baby Stellan!
*Update from Mckmama*
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." II Corinthians 4:17
These troubles with Stellan feel to me to be far from light and momentary, yet I do understand, that in the very grand scheme of thing, they are exactly that. On one hand, I am very not okay with what is happening. That is hard for me to explain at the moment. This are heading quickly in a direction I do not want them to go. Yet I also have a sweet peace that God is okay with what is happening, and I am going to choose to let the be enough for me.
Be sure about this: God has good that He wants to bring from this. That He will bring from this. That He is bringing from this.
What's been happening from a medical standpoint:
The pediatric cardiologists are meeting with us regularly here in the PICU. They are the ones making Stellan's care decisions at this point. They have backed off on the beta blockers and are continuing with Amiodarone in his iv. His heartrate has been flip flopping down into a slow, normal, sinus rhythm on and off this afternoon, and then it bounces back up.
There are other times when Stellan's heart goes into an irregular rhythm, skipping beats, or having longer gaps in his heart rate pattern.
Stellan needs a new iv. The one in his hand is okay, but it's getting puffy and has been occluding. With the kind of meds he's getting, the doctors need a second option available to them. Numerous folks, including "the best" gal from the iv team have been working on him to get a new line started. Two failed sites in his scalp later (his arms had already been poked to high heaven last night and today), and they finally got a very tiny one in his foot, but it's already occluding. There is talk of having to put in a central line (they'd have to put him to sleep and, from what I understand, it's a small surgery to place a more permanent line somewhere into Stellan), but that's not a for sure thing at this point and not something I am entirely familiar with.
As he flips in and out, he's getting a bit weary. He's kind of manic and restless and his blood pressure is doing odd things.
I am at his bedside now, and have been for most of the day, but did get a much needed nap and shower this afternoon. His nurse has him now while I type this. Prince Charming is going to be coming down shortly and my girlfriend Shanel is bringing me Chipotle. I have been starting to read through the kind and sweet comments you all are leaving, as well as your emails. Thank you for praying for us and for the many of you who are spreading the word about Stellan using your own blogs, or your prayer chains at church, or your MOPS group. My own MOPS group is rallying around us, too, and may be able to help with child care for our other MSC this week. My mom is planning to drive up tomorrow to be with me and Stellan in the hospital.
We have a long road ahead. The cardiologist is already talking about some pretty big things, but for the time being, we are simply looking for a 12 hour period in which Stellan's heart would stay in a normal rhythm.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." II Corinthians 4:17
Hey guys, please lift up Stellan in your prayers along with his family. Right now I am to emotional and teary eyed to post myself what is going on so please click on Stellan's name and it will bring you to his families blog. This family and their youngest son is very precious to me, I have been praying and following their blog since before Stellan was born, and he was in fact born on the same day as my niece Maia who also has a heart condition. You might remember this post announcing both their births.
Prayer warriors please start praying with me!
I am updating with this message and prayer from Angie Smith's blog regarding Stellan. She is another amazing woman of God whom He has chosen to use, the words He pours out of her hands always bring me back to my knees in wonder of our great God. Please pray these along with us.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Now that we seem to be over our sickness the boys and I have gone back to spending most of our time in the back yard or at our favorite park. It is so nice to be outdoors! There is nothing like fresh air that can wash away that dreary depressing feeling of sickness.
Today we met up with an old friend of mine from High School, so far the only one I can find that still lives in the area :) She is also the only one with children, three daughters to be exact. It was so nice to be able to catch up with her and get to meet two of her children. Hopefully we will get together again sometime next week
On another note please be in prayer with us as we near the next phase of our military life. Next week after his 10th exam Joseph will get to choose orders. At this point we are being told that all the orders except one or two will be to the same location and that the other two are to the locations that we are praying for. Both are on the opposite ends of the country of each other, so getting one over the other is a big deal. Right now Joseph is ranked at #1 in his class, meaning he gets first choice of orders, but he could lose that placing next week after exam 10 depending on his score. Please pray that Joseph and I would not let this rule our thoughts and emotions for the next week, that we would let go and let God. We know that He will get us to where He wants us regardless of what happens. We just need to except with a thankful heart whatever that may be. I am also in need of some prayer as this waiting and not being able to plan right now thing has been driving me insane. See there is so much to be done before Joseph graduates, like buying plane tickets, holding hotel rooms and planning a trip home, and packing us up again, that are just not possible right now. Oh how it rankles me to not be able to just do it all!
So ya, I need prayer.
All right ya'll,
Until next time.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I love cloth diapers and I cannot lie
And the boys who were them...well Conner is in the process of potty learning so really its just Brooks. Who wants to leave out a picture of my big boy though?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Sorry guys, I don't really have anything fun to say, just popping in to say hi! We have all been suffering from winter sickies and are finally hitting the road to recovery. Soooo I have absolutely nothing exciting to blog about, unless you want to hear about snot and what not... I didn't think so!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Babies don't keep
I came across a poem written by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton in 1958 today on Mckmama's blog. Its one of those poems that quickly spoke right to my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
Song for a Fifth Child.
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.