A lesson in self control

At least once a day I find myself with a whining, temper tantrum throwing three year old. Amid the high pitched voice, balled up hands and some wonderfully loud noises I usually find myself wanting to do the same. It is amazing how when someone gets emotional, regardless of the cause, it can stir up the exact same emotion in you. But instead of giving in to the temptation of screaming back at my child (and sometimes this is extremely hard to do...alright, I have screamed once or twice) I take a deep breath gather my self control, get down to eye level with said temper tantrum thrower and calmly and gently ask him to gain self control. It generally goes like this;

First "Conner you need to gain self control"
Second because now he is calming down and listening "Conner you need to gain self control of your voice"
and third "Conner you need to gain self control of your body"

I find it important to give him specifics of how he needs to gain self control so that he can use these as tools to help him know how to calm down. Its like something clicks in him when I tell him to do these things, slowly you can watch his body and then his face regain control. The soft tone of my voice and the repetition of the words are comforting, something familiar and a way to control some pretty heavy emotions. I will continue to repeat these over until he has gained self control and we can discuss what is going on like rational human beings. This scenario can be played out in many different situations, whining, being destructive with ones body and so on. Generally he is calm by the third self control.

Over a year ago I attended a parenting class at the church I used to call home. It was a very encouraging, informative and convicting class, it reminded me of how important a role I carry and it brought to light those areas I had been letting the world shape my children and not Christ. The world we live in today can be a scary one for me when it comes to parenting. The standards seems so low, leaning more towards laziness then participation on behalf of the parent. It is almost as if the word "no" is becoming taboo. This scares me because it is all to easy to fall into laziness because it is of course the easier route to take and sometimes easy is just way to appealing.

One of the subjects discussed was the importance of self control, for both the parents and the children. I will admit that this was a new concept for me. I mean I knew I wasn't supposed to loose me temper or to encourage those of my children, but at the time I had never heard the term "self control" associated with child rearing and discipline. Listening to our leader, Karen, describe to us a situation in which it was applied to an 18 month old throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't want to sit in a high chair, I began to see more clearly my own child's need for this in his life. We were just hitting that stage where everything was responded to with tantrums and we had yet to find the heart issue of what it was our son really needed. Sometimes nothing we could do would bring Conner down back from hysteria land. I mean most times we could get him to calm down, but there would be almost this manic look to his eyes waiting for something else to set him off. Walking around on eggshells around your then two year old is not fun nor is it teaching him anything or even helping him. So listening to Karen talking about the biblical and practical importance of self control in our lives was like looking into a window of what it was my son's heart needed. Mine too.

Titus 2 is a great passage about how we are called to be self controlled in our actions, thoughts and words and how through our own lack of self control we will be a model of ungodliness and worldly passions to those around us. Temper tantrums, whining, and being destructive are all great models of these things. Each day we are given the opportunity through these very worldly passionate moments to teach our children the importance of self control and in turn the tools on how to be in control of our emotions. Not to hide them or remove them, but to share them with people in a manner in which there will be a positive influence.

I chose to write about this today because it is a tool in parenting that has been priceless to me, not only because my child needed it but because I needed it myself. Asking our children to gain self control is a great reminder to us as parents to use self control everyday. It wasn't until it was thrown right in my face that I realized this vitally important part of parenting and wifely-ness was missing from my every day life. At least in a visible way. So maybe it will help you a little, or maybe its something you already know and it will be a little reminder of the need for it in our lives.

On a lighter note

My last post was a bit of a downer, so here is some Conner to cheer you up (and me too!)

Friends

These past few weeks have been a little rough. I had been with out a phone for close to a month, leaving me feeling very isolated and very homesick. I have a phone again, but because the other one went missing I have no numbers. Actually let me rephrase that. I have plenty of numbers, but they all belong to my friends husbands...AWKWARD. Yeah, I have Joseph's old phone now if you hadn't guessed and I haven't quite gotten up the nerve yet to call these men asking to speak to their wives. "Cuz I'm shy like that.
I just spent the last hour catching up on various friends blogs and while I am so happy to get a glimpse into their lives, I so badly want to be IN their lives, not just hearing about it from afar. I miss them all so much and the pathetic part is they probably don't even know it. Watching their lives grow on with out me seems slightly unfair, but it makes me realize how inward I become when change is upon me. These ladies I love so much are not separate from my life because they have forgotten me, but because I have acted like I have forgotten them. I challenge myself every week to call someone different everyday, but instead of picking up the phone I curl up into a ball of fear worrying that they wont want me any longer, so instead of making the situation better, I make it worse. So once again I am going to challenge myself to call a different friend everyday. So if you see my number flash across your phone would you mind saying hello to an old friend who misses you? Oh and I guess that means I may be calling some men first...or I guess I could just email...

Boy- Loud noise with dirt

My little man is rounding the corner to independence, no longer wanting help to do those things that others do so easily. So when he decided that eating yogurt was one of those ways he wanted to exert that independence I handed him a spoon. While more yogurt ended up on the table, chair, floor and outfit then it actually did in him, the joy that he radiated was well worth the ten minutes it took to remove the mess from everywhere. Oh and the best part was the "Uh Oh's" that he said every time he missed.
As you can see there were a lot of "uh oh's".

Forward

I sit here contemplating my beautiful life as Brooks pretends to color with some new markers and Conner watches Kung Fu Panda, fully delighted that I had the ability to get either things for my children. So many times in the past we have not. We have been blessed to have friends and family who have been incredibly generous to us, gifting us in areas that we could not provide in ourselves. Having the ability to do them ourselves is absolutely wonderful. Simple joys, big blessings.

There has been a lot of change and moving forward in our home. Sometimes it goes by so quickly I forget it was ever different. Other times I feel as if the change is teasing me with the idea of it. So without further ado I share our change with you.

After much prayer we finally found a church to call home. It is so exciting to be apart of a body again and Joseph and I are looking forward to our first Community Group this coming Thursday. Also the boys and I will be joining their playgroup tomorrow. Yay!

Our cats will finally be joining us in the next month! The past eight months have been full of, "we can keep them, we have to give them up, OH we can keep them, blah, have to let them go" to finally" WE CAN KEEP THEM" There are two big things we learned about what we will differently upon our next move. One of them involves our pets. We have been so blessed through out this all to have some wonderful women who opened up their doors to our fur babies even though they had never met us before. And because of them Nihko and Amber are finally coming home!

Now for the biggest change of all! Starting mid September I will become a nanny for three brothers that live a couple house down. This will be a big adjustment, but one I am thoroughly looking forward too! It is an awesome opportunity to love on a family that is in desperate need of it and to offer a worn down mother some good childcare.

Ok, for now that will have to do!

Beaches made better with Dad

I may have mentioned before that Conner loves the beach. Well as much as he loves the beach, Joseph loves it ten times more. As in loves the beach. While this ocean may not be as warm as the one he is used too, it is still the beach and it still offers a peace to his being. Our boys also loved sharing it with him.

Blurry shot, but precious none the less

I have noticed a trend for our littlest bear, when Joseph is around he is much happier, and quicker to venture where he would not before. If you remember my last post about the beach you might recall that it took quite a bit of coaxing to get him to even leave the tent, non the less actually touch the water. Today he was running in and out like an old pro.

I love my boys. I especially love seeing all my boys together.

Fountains are wet

At least once a week Joseph and I like to pack the boys up and walk around one of the many open air malls that dot our new hometown. One of our favorites has many little gardens and water features that the boys loves to explore, doing us the favor of wearing them out while we enjoy the beautiful weather. This past week we discovered a little nook that had a great fountain for the boys to explore, one that Conner got a little more up close and personal then he intended.

Sadly I did not get as many pictures of the whole event, since you know I was busy staying close just in case this happened...

While trying to count the coins Conner leaned in a little to close and down he went, clothes and all. He fared it very well, although he was quite cold afterward.

I know this is not the best quality photo, but you can practically see Joseph saying something that ended with cold

Brooksie kept thinking he needed to get in too, but was appeased with watching Conner's dunking.